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HOODIE HIBERNATING

A well established self-saboteur who can see something good coming her way, but is trying to intercept the self-sabotage reflex = me needing some hoodie hibernation time.

Not everyone will understand this photo and statement, but for those who do, I want you to know if you’re trying to change that habit, you’re not alone.

This might look like a ridiculous photo to many people. And that’s okay. For those it looks ridiculous to, congrats on not needing to bury yourself in a hoodie. You can scroll right past this post.

But to those who relate to this. To the hoodie hibernators , I say this…

You are working on creating a new normal, and creating a new normal is painful, courageous and insightful. It also comes with a side dish of blow-you-the-fuck-wide-open, which just never ceases to catch me by surprise. You must face feeling an intense level of vulnerability that is rarely felt. You feel translucent.

You have to face your internal dialogue, which for me is feeling foolish, idiotic, undeserving, worthless, pathetic and more.
But I have to feel all that, and continue on my path anyway. Otherwise the new normal never eventuates.

And sometimes, hoodie hibernation is all that can ease some of that discomfort for me.

So, to myself, and everyone else who is creating a new normal … I highly recommend a little hoodie hibernation time when things feel like they’re getting too much.

Just close that hoodie down and sit there for a while. Then when things have settled a bit, release those hoodie strings, set a small goal, and head towards it.

Here’s to creating a new normal! Everyone can do it, but it takes a truckload of grit.

Make the choice to be your own hero today/tonight. And take one step towards your new normal.

Love out to the world.


💜✌🏼

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Thank You Note

I wanted to say thank you to all who reached out to support me recently.

It was both unexpected and touched me deeply.

I had a supportive Skype consultation (because I couldn’t get there physically) with my physio yesterday. We discussed my deconditioning and medical induced PTSD in relation to what needs to be done for me to actually make it out of this shithole.

That conversation was a scary one to have. We got real. Like, really fucking real. *Side note: fear is an emotion none of us want to feel, but it is so helpful to try to understand that fear is a natural response (we’re not weirdos or weak if we feel scared) and also try to empathise with ourselves and why we’re feeling that fear. Just can sometimes help take the edge off the fear-of-feeling-fear downwards spiral that can sometimes take over*

As well as being scary, that conversation also helped calm my shattered nerves and put a plan in place, that gave some solidity and boundaries back, to a chick who was feeling like she was trying not to die while crawling across an ocean of quicksand.

I’m leaving the house tomorrow. Big accomplishment for where I’m at right now.

Although, I am leaving the house tomorrow to see my therapist. So, things could go either way for me on that one.

Anyway, that’s my update for you lovely supportive souls out there.

Lastly, those who know me, know I can’t leave a “touched me deeply” remark go unappreciated. So … remember, last time you supported me, it was almost penetrable — thanks a bunch you magnificently filthy people, for touching me so, sooo damn deeply.

Nothing like a good support-orgy now and then.

____

P.S. the photo is my hairbun, and an achievement in itself because, until I found my new #EDS physio, my neck and headaches had been so bad I couldn’t grow hair long enough for a bun.

BUN FTW!!

Love, Zoë

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#TB #GOALS

#tb and #goals 💓

Not a day goes by that I don’t think of the fight I’m in right now and the fight that I have ahead of me, in order to get some kind of a life back.

I see photos like this one (below), from before my health spiral/degeneration, and it’s a bittersweet feeling that surrounds me.

But ultimately I can either choose to find hope and hold onto it with all my might, or give up.

And I suppose in a twisted way, it’s the knowledge I have of where I’ll end up if I don’t keep going, keep clinging to the search for hope, believing I’ll find it someday and believing that I am strong enough to make it through this reconditioning-storm, that keeps me headed in that direction.

Sometimes you’ve gotta see how bad it could get before you understand the changes you have to make in order to not end up in that worst case scenario.

I fully understand how lucky I am that I CAN see that other path. That I do FEEL I have a choice.

I haven’t always felt that way.

Much love 🌈💜✌🏼