This is what a PTSD attack looks like for me.
Sometimes I’m a lot more physical than I am here. Rocking, pacing, and other things.
No one can touch me when I’m in this state. The sense of touch makes me want to crawl out of my skin when I’m in this state.
PTSD attacks feel nothing like anxiety or panic attacks, to me. Completely different things.
For me, panic attacks definitely have a sense of extreme agitation but fear of impending doom or some other or many horrors heading right toward me is a staple sense in panic attacks for me.
I’m lucky that I haven’t had panic attacks in a very long time.
PTSD attacks are always triggered by a trauma I’ve experienced in the past.
And when having one of those, I’ve got fireworks going off in my brain. A million thoughts colliding into one another, so finishing any one thought is near impossible.
I’m having rapid random flashbacks to the traumatic experiences that caused this train wreck of memories in the first place.
And during this episode I’m convinced that whatever triggered this attack is my fault.
There’s no shame in not having a perfect life.
There’s no shame in any of what you feel are your flaws.
It can be so hard to fully realise and accept that. Full honesty …. I haven’t fully let go of the shame I feel in it yet. And that’s okay too.
Everyone’s experience of PTSD is different.
Just as everybody’s journey to acceptance, whatever they’re trying to accept, looks different, too.
I feel tremendously embarrassed in posting this video.
But I’m doing it for 2 main reasons:
1) I just want others out there, perhaps drowning in their complexities, to know that they are not alone. And that I see no shame in them.
2) I feel that letting people see this, is part of the landscape of my de-shaming.
*Feel free to share this post or tag someone in the comments, if you feel it might help someone.
Zoe Inez xxx