“What the Fuck …

… no good, piece of shit, lazy arse, good for nothing, shouldn’t be here, who’d you think you are, moron.”

That’s what the inside of my head says.

Shout out to: Crap self esteem

Shout out to: Self-hate.

Shout out to: Zero self-belief.

Shout out to: Tremendously low confidence.

Shout out to: Believing you’re a burden to anyone who is unlucky enough to cross paths with you.

Shout out to: CPTSD (Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder).

Shout out to: Complex Trauma Syndrome.

Shout out to: Abuse … of any kind.

Shout out to: Domestic violence.

Shout out also to: Change, the possibility of it. To self forgiveness. To believing you deserve it, whatever it is. To holding onto hope like your life depends on it. To waking up each day and forcing yourself to move toward getting your life back, no matter how testing and unachievable it might seem, no matter how painfully difficult.

Shout out to: Holding on. Again and again and again.

And lastly …

Shout out to: Tears. To letting them out, not feeling like you need to hide them. And to letting them lay when and where they fall.

Tears are not a mess we make that needs to be cleaned up, they’re just a visual expression of feelings that needed to be uncaged.

Tears should not be felt as, or looked upon as, embarrassing. Tears should not be deemed as showing weakness.

And above all, tears should not be deemed as only something females do. Said ideology is archaic and damaging to both males and females o f all ages.

Let me leave you with a few may-or-may-not-be-wise words of advice, that I may-or-may-not follow myself but will definitely try to, and hope that you do follow.

The few may-or-may-not-be wise words of advice …

Try to hold on, believe in you and let your tears flow whenever necessary.

My love to all,

Zoe xxx


Piece of Shit Something

I have had a moderate to severe migraine for over a month now.

Can barely open my eyes, the pain when I do, soaring to the nerve centre of my brain and tripling the pain.

I’ve so badly wanted to write a blog post, but opening eyes, reading or writing text is debilitating.

I need to do something, and want to share my thoughts and experiences on so many different topics, but this migraine is kicking my arse.

So here is my something.

It’s a piece of shit something. But it’s a something.

Here is my first in a while piece of shit something blog post which, no matter how much it sucks, is SOMETHING.

I will go to sleep tonight feeling the satisfaction of knowing that I actually got my piece of shit something done. Finished. Written. Published.

I know that no-one will read it, but I will also know that I wrote and finished it.

Stopping now.

Zoe xxx